Nov. 30th, 2016

siglinde99: (Diane Fancy)
Hopefully this link will do the trick: https://youtu.be/ZughLxTC3t0

I have been trying to stick with the contemplation and not complaining objectives, but I find myself wondering about what counts as a complaint. Is acknowledging a fact a complaint? For example, if I notice that it is cold, and think "wow, it's cold", is it complaining if I'm not horribly unhappy (though maybe a little suprised)? Is it complaining to run through scenarios in my head (those "I wish I had said" or "maybe I should say..." conversations)? How about the ones where I repeat in my head those conversations that actually happened (the ones where someone states a hard truth that I happen to agree with)?

At heart, I'm an analyst and analysts are regularly accused of being pessimistic when really we are just trying to see all the angles (and that can be bad). The whole exercise of questioning myself is interesting, though. As I notice things, I am trying really hard not to let it be anything more than just "noticing". When those endless loops of conversation start up in my head, I work really hard to make them stop. In some ways, this may be helping me to achieve the mindfulness that my leadership coach keeps trying to convince me is a good thing; usually, it just strikes me as flaky, which is why this article made me smile: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/26/opinion/sunday/actually-lets-not-be-in-the-moment.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0. After re-reading it several times, I'm starting to think that maybe being mindful is a good thing. It doesn't mean I have to like washing dishes, or even dealing with Scary Mary from work. But maybe I can get better at acknowledging my feelings and move on to something more productive.

Enough deep thoughts for tonight. It's time for rum, hot chocolate and some quality time with my pillow (and hopefully a cat).

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