Dress Codes at School

[siglinde99]

Yesterday there was a call-in radio show about dress codes at school - whether they are sexist and the response of many young women and men to those codes. There have been a lot of protests and media campaigns as the weather starts to get warm here. It was a great show, with guests including the principal of one of the schools involved, a young woman from another school who was sent home to change, among others. Unusually, I actually wanted to call in, because I have views.

I'm the mother of a seventeen year-old girl. She is a dancer, so is very used to wandering around in minimal clothing. Lately, there have been many crop tops and short skirts, but sometimes she wears gauzy tops (with a bandeau or tank top underneath) and abbreviated shorts.
Luckily, her high school doesn't seem to have much of a dress code (if any) because it is filled with artsy types who wear an amazing variety of outfits. She, like many of her counterparts, argues that less clothing is cooler as we get into the hot, humid summer.

Personally, I think that covering up is sexier because the cloth hints at hidden delights (while hiding the brutal reality). It also helps prevent sunburn, and natural fabrics keep me cooler than bare skin in the blazing sun.

Even though I am sometimes uncomfortable with her choices, I support her decisions. She doesn't dress up to attract boys - she dresses to please herself. She isn't showing anything that I don't see any day on the street. The last time she went shopping for shorts, she struggled to find anything between butt-cheeks-hanging-out length and Bermuda-shorts-her grandmother-might-wear. The same is often true for tops, and, to a lesser extent, dresses and skirts. I don't think she should be punished, miss school, or be forced to wear a humiliating cover-up (shirts of shame are often handed out, even when girls have a suitable cover-up in their lockers), when decent alternatives are simply not sold.

I worked as a photographer for a local newspaper back in university, so I have evidence that young women wore equally revealing clothing to work back then. I distinctly remember a lacy camisole bodice top I made and wore to work, and I have photos of another summer student wearing a tube dress to her office job. I also remember the outrage from some readers (wives of the military men who worked in the offices) when the tube dress showed up in the paper, and getting blamed when a work colleague at an earlier job pinned me up against the filing cabinets and I had to knee him to let me go.

It's not the clothes, that cause the problems, so lets just stop blaming the girls, shall we? All too soon, they will be old and podgy like me, and claiming that they prefer to be covered up because it's appropriate (not because it hides the bulges and sags). Let them enjoy their bodies while they can; hopefully if we don't make such a big deal about it, they will continue enjoying their bodies for life.

Comments

[buttongirl.livejournal.com]

Thank you for (as usual) expressing your thoughts so clearly and cogently. I have trouble putting what I feel about this stuff so clearly! You are awesome!

[just-demented.livejournal.com]

Hm. I don't agree. You say there are times that you're uncomfortable with her clothing but you support her in her decisions. I personally feel that since you are the parent, then it's your job to guide her through life in general. If it makes you uncomfortable then it's more than likely inappropriate to be wearing.

I have an almost 20 yr old daughter. She went through the phase of wearing what was in style just like all of her friends did. And there were a few times her & I went rounds on what she was going to wear.....it was usually a pair of shorts that were too short. I told her the shorts or skirt will need to be longer than her vagina if she wants to exit the house in them. She went back...after arguing...& changed her clothes.

Now at almost 20 she has finally realized that it isn't sexy to wear tight or revealing clothes. She wants people to see her for her mid. She wears clothes that cover up the necessary parts & sometimes she she will make a poor decision & I tell her about it. Only difference now is that she doesn't have to go change. (She Ives on her own & just finished her sophomore yr of college.)

Oh! And the high school she went to didn't really have a dress code.

[siglinde99.livejournal.com]

What bothered my particularly about the stories we are hearing here was the accusations that the girls' clothing was "distracting" and that there seem to be different standards for how boys and girls are treated. Some of the outfits I saw were perfectly reasonable, and within the dress codes of that school, yet girls were expected to miss classes to go home and change. I recently saw a picture of women having their bathing suits inspected (by a man) to ensure that they reached to within 12 inches of their knees. If bare legs are such an issue for men, why the heck wasn't a woman doing the measuring? It's the sexism and unequal treatment that grates far more than the details of any particular outfit.

Believe me, I do far more guiding than I think is healthy. The girl is not nearly independent enough for her own good. No bare shoulders is my red line, and I have made my views clear on some of the other outfits. But she wears shorts under her skirts (her idea, and she was doing it even before I commented that one skirt was rather short), and usually has a blouse, hoodie or jacket over top of whatever she is wearing.

However, I need to keep in mind that every generation seems to have some idea of what is scandalous dress wear, and also that I can be a bit of a prude. When my aunt was in high school, she wasn't allowed to go to school without a girdle (which she promptly removed upon arrival). My mother got lectured by strangers in the street for wearing Bermuda shorts instead of a skirt and hose when going shopping in the late 1960s in Germany. My favourite dresses are loose-fitting and ankle length; just because I love them doesn't mean I need to impose them on my daughter.

To be honest, I struggled with this post. In my heart of hearts, I want to protect my baby and ensure she is never at risk by making her dress modestly, respect a strict curfew, and avoid being on the streets at night - even if she is there for legitimate reasons, such as waiting to catch a bus home. At the same time, I feel strongly that women have a right to public space and remember that one of the highest rates of rape in the world is in India, where women are covered from head to toe.

[invincible.livejournal.com]

Here here!

[one-raido.livejournal.com]

I read something recently on hos a school was blaming the girls. Completely wrong to do that.

[suelet.livejournal.com]

I've always liked the concept of school uniforms myself...with pants or long shorts for all though. Stuff like that is a great equalizer. That all being said...I despise looking at a guy's armpit hair, butt crack, or underwear as much as I dislike looking at a girl's (nothing against armpit hair, I just find it just makes me feel a little...unsanitary).

[siglinde99.livejournal.com]

School uniforms can be great, though they can also be sexist. When my kids were small, they went to a British school where the girls had to wear dresses; there was no pants option. Needless to say, not many girls played vigorous sports.

And eww for the mental image of adolescent butt crack hair!

[acorngirl.livejournal.com]

I think one of the reasons why adults get concerned about teen "fashion statements" is that they tend to extrapolate "now" to "later". We see a teen with a crop top or saggy pants showing off underwear and think, "in a few years, that kid is going to be in the workforce and that sort of inappropriate wear will hold them back" (knowing that in the adult world, sanction is often a subtle thing - your boss won't tell you to go home and change, but you probably won't get that promotion to the next level either). At an earlier age, those same adults probably worried that their potty-resistant three-year-old would get teased off the playground if they didn't learn that essential skill by the time they entered JK.

The good news is, kids change - sometimes quite quickly. The kid who couldn't be bothered to use the potty did eventually learn (and probably before he got horribly teased) and the teens with no fashion sense will miraculously acquire such as they leave the halls of learning and enter the adult world. As much as it probably grates to let them show their independence and individuality this way, I think it's an important life skill to experiment with finding your own style while still in that relatively safe environment. That's not to say there aren't limits (and I fully support parents and schools for setting and adhering to those), but I think there's room for a fair amount of tolerance here. As opposed to other areas where no tolerance can be given (like drinking/texting and driving).

On school uniforms: yes, they are the great leveller in school fashion. I had one year of wearing a uniform (white wing-collared blouse, navy blue tunic, navy knee socks, black Oxford shoes and navy bloomers underneath). It not only completely cut out the nightly teen girl angst of what to wear the next day, but in a private school where most of the population was wealthy and a few were subsidized, it levelled the playing field and allowed all students to concentrate on more important things.

[siglinde99.livejournal.com]

I like that explanation for testing fashion!

[henrytroup.livejournal.com]

School uniforms are often hacked... According to rumour, some of the Toronto private school girls made it a point of pride to wear the same uniform skirt all through... Which meant by grade 12 or 13 it was rather short.

My private sector workplace has a call center, staffed mostly with young people. There's a dress code and periodic reminders. I have had it made very clear to me that my bike shorts (modest mountain bike style) are not acceptable office wear, and it is more important that I change immediately than doing my real job - according to HR.

[acorngirl.livejournal.com]

I was one of those Toronto school girls (St. Mildred's - then located near Bloor and Spadina, now amalgamated with the Lightbourne school in Oakville). Our tunics were supposed to be no shorter than 2" above the knee, but since it had a belt, many girls "bloused" the tunic to wear it shorter - a style that could be quickly reverted to form when necessary. :)