Because the last link didn't work, and thinking about complaining

[siglinde99]

Hopefully this link will do the trick: https://youtu.be/ZughLxTC3t0

I have been trying to stick with the contemplation and not complaining objectives, but I find myself wondering about what counts as a complaint. Is acknowledging a fact a complaint? For example, if I notice that it is cold, and think "wow, it's cold", is it complaining if I'm not horribly unhappy (though maybe a little suprised)? Is it complaining to run through scenarios in my head (those "I wish I had said" or "maybe I should say..." conversations)? How about the ones where I repeat in my head those conversations that actually happened (the ones where someone states a hard truth that I happen to agree with)?

At heart, I'm an analyst and analysts are regularly accused of being pessimistic when really we are just trying to see all the angles (and that can be bad). The whole exercise of questioning myself is interesting, though. As I notice things, I am trying really hard not to let it be anything more than just "noticing". When those endless loops of conversation start up in my head, I work really hard to make them stop. In some ways, this may be helping me to achieve the mindfulness that my leadership coach keeps trying to convince me is a good thing; usually, it just strikes me as flaky, which is why this article made me smile: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/26/opinion/sunday/actually-lets-not-be-in-the-moment.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0. After re-reading it several times, I'm starting to think that maybe being mindful is a good thing. It doesn't mean I have to like washing dishes, or even dealing with Scary Mary from work. But maybe I can get better at acknowledging my feelings and move on to something more productive.

Enough deep thoughts for tonight. It's time for rum, hot chocolate and some quality time with my pillow (and hopefully a cat).

Comments

[carriea31.livejournal.com]

Since you posted about that person who was trying to go without complaining, I have been trying to be more conscious of that myself.  Today I failed miserably and did a lot of complaining in my head.  Tomorrow, I shall begin again!

[siglinde99.livejournal.com]

It's hard! Good luck with it.

[michigangster.livejournal.com]

My husband and I have that discussion all the time - what is complaining and what is just saying how it is? Usually it's because I think he's complaining and he thinks he isn't..haha.

[siglinde99.livejournal.com]

I'm kind of like your husband. I think I'm ironic and witty - sometimes, it just sounds bitter and sarcastic.

[cactus_rs]

My understanding of mindfulness isn't that you never feel bad. You're actually supposed to acknowledge that you feel bad!

My zendo in the US put on a screening of a biopic of Shunryu Suzuki, and at one point the topic of his wife's death came up. They had been close and he mourned her a lot, and someone asked him about how that could be coupled with mindfulness and attachment leads to suffering, etc. His reply was something that he wept when his wife died, but without Zen "my tears would have had roots."

IF you connect that to complaining, I suppose the difference between mindfulness and complaining is that complaining has roots. Which is I guess a very non-specific and woo answer, but something to chew on. (A slightly more concrete answer is that mindfulness fights against the "meta" feeling: the feeling bad about feeling bad. Maybe?)

[siglinde99.livejournal.com]

That's how I understand mindfulness too. I think for me, it's learning to appreciate and be mindful of some of the little boring things in life - which I know is a good part of te challenge about being mindful. It's still a work in progress for me, obviously.

[spikesgirl58.livejournal.com]

I hope you had more luck sleeping than I did last night.

thanks for the link. It worked great! he was having too much fun with all the dancing. He seemed a very good sport, at least on the air.

[siglinde99.livejournal.com]

Hope you get some sleep tonight.

He was a very good sport. He is paid to be that way of course, but there times (that didn't all make to air) where he appeared genuinely blown away and having fun. The best one I saw was when there was an impromptu court on the field and he was given an award of arms and the right to be known as Lord Richard the Mercer - complete with a beautifully calligraphed and illuminated scroll. He was really tickled.

[spikesgirl58.livejournal.com]

We are going to a show tonight, so it will be late. With any luck, the insomnia won't kick in. :P

That's great to hear. Some of these guys are right jerks off camera.